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May. 9th, 2010 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lexI'm going to whine about how sick I am. It's my blog, I'm allowed to do that.
So last Sunday I had a sore throat, nothing big, felt like I'd snored too hard. Monday afternoon the fever hit. Tuesday was a daze of 100+F fever (my normal temp is around 97 so make of that what you will) and sleeping and swelling tonsils. Very early Wednesday morning the fever broke. I went to school and by the time I got home I was at 100F again. More bed - woke up with my throat on fucking fire, felt like it had been flayed. Looked like it had been flayed. Lots of painkillers, forcing myself to drink water despite the searing pain with every swallow, drooling and coughing up mucus into whatever receptacle was handy. Time started to blur around then. Thursday morning, woke up - coughed up mucus hard enough to tear my throat, then puked hard enough to burst blood vessels in both eyes. Stayed home. Tried to rest. Then the sleep patterns really hit the fan - couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a time before waking up to do the cough&puke routine. Friday, felt better - throat not on fire anymore, voice gone and throat sore but okay. Fever down. Went to class. Fever crept up a bit over the day but was controllable. Saturday and Sunday have both been a blur of pain and coughing and sleep madness - oh, fuck do I want to sleep. I want it so badly. I want sleep like I want air. But I'm terrified of it. I cannot tell you how horrible it is to wake up choking, to go and fight with my body until it self-destructively wins, and then spend hours keening and arching my back convulsively every time I swallow because it hurts so much.
I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. I want to sleep. I want to sleep until it's better. What did I do to deserve this? What could I possibly have done wrong? I just want to sleep. I can't even sleep a single goddamn hour without choking on thick gobs of shit. Sleep is supposed to make it better. I just want to be better.
I need to write this paper. I need to write this paper and go to school one more time, and then... maybe I'll give in and see a doctor. Because I want to sleep. I'm sure there's nothing they can do, there's never anything they can do but charge more money, but maybe there's something I'm missing. Maybe I can get some sleep. I just want to sleep.
So last Sunday I had a sore throat, nothing big, felt like I'd snored too hard. Monday afternoon the fever hit. Tuesday was a daze of 100+F fever (my normal temp is around 97 so make of that what you will) and sleeping and swelling tonsils. Very early Wednesday morning the fever broke. I went to school and by the time I got home I was at 100F again. More bed - woke up with my throat on fucking fire, felt like it had been flayed. Looked like it had been flayed. Lots of painkillers, forcing myself to drink water despite the searing pain with every swallow, drooling and coughing up mucus into whatever receptacle was handy. Time started to blur around then. Thursday morning, woke up - coughed up mucus hard enough to tear my throat, then puked hard enough to burst blood vessels in both eyes. Stayed home. Tried to rest. Then the sleep patterns really hit the fan - couldn't sleep more than a few hours at a time before waking up to do the cough&puke routine. Friday, felt better - throat not on fire anymore, voice gone and throat sore but okay. Fever down. Went to class. Fever crept up a bit over the day but was controllable. Saturday and Sunday have both been a blur of pain and coughing and sleep madness - oh, fuck do I want to sleep. I want it so badly. I want sleep like I want air. But I'm terrified of it. I cannot tell you how horrible it is to wake up choking, to go and fight with my body until it self-destructively wins, and then spend hours keening and arching my back convulsively every time I swallow because it hurts so much.
I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. I want to sleep. I want to sleep until it's better. What did I do to deserve this? What could I possibly have done wrong? I just want to sleep. I can't even sleep a single goddamn hour without choking on thick gobs of shit. Sleep is supposed to make it better. I just want to be better.
I need to write this paper. I need to write this paper and go to school one more time, and then... maybe I'll give in and see a doctor. Because I want to sleep. I'm sure there's nothing they can do, there's never anything they can do but charge more money, but maybe there's something I'm missing. Maybe I can get some sleep. I just want to sleep.
