Lexxy Fancypants

Woke up feeling every bit as shitty as yesterday, but that's to be expected with so much stress. But then I reread a certain story that someone told to me last night, and it helped to even me out. ♥

( quick to-do list )

I am officially caught up on reports. I have one to do over Thanksgiving, and then labs start up again, but I'm caught up. Fuck. Yes.

maybe

if there is time between cooking

I will be able to write

oh my god please let this happen

this day

is the longest day

ever


Does anyone have good screenshots of Scorponok in the Bay movies? I was never able to get a clean shot of him, he always came out super blurry. And I kind of love him a lot and want to stare at him, so.

If anyone needs me, I will be writing yet more reports and quietly fantasizing about curling up in Optimus and listening to the rumbly cadence of his voice as I drift to sleep.

When the choice is between "pass out on the highway and kill someone" and "have intestinal distress for a few hours" I pick the coffee. I think this is a reasonable choice. Unfortunately, it means I am now hooked on coffee. I already had the withdrawal headache (weekend = no drinkie coffee) but the brain-fog yet lingers. So I made some decaf (yes, Stereowire, I drink decaf, you can recoil and ward me off in horror now) and had a cup and suddenly my homework was getting done! Funny that. Sigh. I won't have time to truly get myself un-hooked until the winter holidays. Annoying.

I am literally making shit up in this lab report. Literally. That is so sad. They should really make Biostats a prereq for Ecology. They should also make someone new teach Biostats because I learned NOTHING in that class and it is probably the most important thing I've taken so far.

Speaking of prereqs, registration for next semester is gearing up. At first glance they were only offering one class I can/need to take, but they added some overnight and apparently moved one to another sections and idek, I hate this crap. Thinking of changing from general Bio to the Ecology & Evolution concentration. I'd need one more class, which is... not a big deal. On the other hand, if I stick with general bio I'll actually graduate at the end of next year. That. That kind of blows my mind. I'd be the first kid of my generation (counting ALL THE KIDS I HAVE EVER BEEN FAMILY WITH, which is a lot - it's like, 9 of us total) with a degree of any kind. And dudes, I am the second youngest. No wait, third youngest. I think my littlest sister is on the fast track to vet school though. She's awesome. Seriously. She's gorgeous and smart and athletic and totally on top of things. All the things. And she has two dogs and a partner and she plays Magic once a week and rides dressage and doesn't bother to keep track of the blue ribbons. Or even the championship ribbons. She is that awesome.

yeah she never talks to me

...I should stop drinking coffee.

Remind me to explain my family to you all sometime. I always say it requires four hours and a Powerpoint presentation, but this is the Internet. I can draw you pictures in Paint and type as much as I want. We can do this. We have the technology! ...yeah I'm gonna go get more coffee.

Trying to stop procrastinating. You can see how well this is working for me. :\

Trying to gather the spoons to talk about gender identity or something idk. I realized that I chose the username Swordage what, ten years ago, because it was gender-neutral. It was my first exposure to the internet and I didn't even know it was possible to have a different gender than the one you were physically born in, nevermind a non-binary one, but I didn't want to be seen as a boy or a girl online. I went through a phase in middle school where I wanted to change my name to a gender-neutral one and, when possible, insisted on being addressed by such a name. I went by Aquafresh for a while because I was just that desperate. Even now my chosen nicknames are L and Lex, also gender-neutral. HEY SELF, MAYBE IT IS OKAY TO ADMIT THAT YOU IDENTIFY AS GENDER-NEUTRAL, EVEN IF YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR PHYSICAL BODY BEING A GIVEN SEX.

oh hey look at that I talked about gender identity by accident oops guess I'll just leave that there

so uh anyway. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker are power-squatting on my desk. Or maybe pelvic thrusting? I am not entirely clear on the specifics of this situation. And I have my laptop, lab notebook, and Nostalgia on my desk. Contrary to what you may expect, Nostalgia is not on either of the other two items. She is in fact finally using the fluffy bed I got her. She really likes where it is - she has the perfect view of the bird feeder, all she has to do is open her eyes, and I'm right next to her and pet her now and then. All is well on the home front.

...Except that I have two reports to write tonight. Sigh. Come on, self, you can do this... Skip the busywork of writing out the procedure for now, do the discussion/analysis while you're still awake. Then do the Ecology lab essay, and then come back and do the busywork in the Chem lab report. Okay. We can do this. Alright, Prowl, help me out here! I need some motivation, some assistance, some logical insight into -



Oh noooooooooooooo

Things that instantly make me feel better:

Darling twin signing on.
The heaters tinging as they warm up.
Nostalgia reaching out with one paw for a high-five.
Going out to feed the feral colony and standing there on the back porch with birds flocking all around me, fluttering through the overgrown back yard, not even noticing me as they dance around the feeder.
Buying strange things at the farmer's market and cooking them while dancing and singing.
Racing the cat around the house until we both collapse panting.
Putting two and two together and forever changing my views on a character.

Related to the last point: I think Jazz is a historian. I will be forever confused when reading stories in which this is not the case, i.e. all of them.

EDIT:
Ally: I have two cats on my bed
L: yessssssssssss
L: give them love from me
Ally: fuck yes
Ally: in response to the love I have given them, they are cleaning themselves.
L: GLORIOUS. My love-gift has been accepted by the holy felines.
Ally: in their way, yes!
L: My crops will be blessed this year.

Today I went on a field trip. homg yes. We got on a charter bus and drove for AGES and then climbed a mountain! That was kinda hard because I still can't really breathe. But it was awesome. I took lots of notes and picked up big hunks of mica and a neat stick and some fur and I ate some stuff (wintergreen berries and um a thing, I forget the word right now) and the view was AMAZING. It was lovely. And as we left, some goats and a dog came to visit the parking lot, wtf. The dog was so sweet he was all like HEEEY HEY PET ME YO, IMMA DOG. It was wild. XD I really want to be a TA for this class. Like, a lot.

The sad part of today is that now I have to go synthesize camphor in chem lab where there are no chairs. And there's an hour-long wait for a particular reaction to happen. Ugh. Do not want. And I desperately need to write at least one report tonight - I am waaaay behind on those. I really hate Chem. So much. Like, enough that I would be tempted to fucking drop out if not for how much I am adoring ecology.

Alright, time to go try not to pass out in Chem lab. Wish me luck~

Ugh. Woke up with a sore throat, didn't think much of it - but now my bones hurt and the throat is worse. Figures this happens the very day I ask the pharmacy about getting a flu shot.

Tried to deposit a check today. The credit union closed at noon, so I tried to use the ATM. Only it's not an ATM any more, and it wanted me to run through a setup thing. Okay, fuck, why not. It wanted the last 5 digits of my SSN. Which I can't remember because I haven't needed to know it for years. And there's no other way to deposit my check until Monday afternoon. FINE, DON'T TAKE MY MONEY. Nevermind that I was going to buy cat food because all I have left is the can with the fish bones in it and the dry food. Sigh.

Pretty darn confident that my food issues were due to dairy. Lactase pills and just plain avoidance have been doing wonders. I still get some twinges sometimes but hey, no longer writhing in pain. And I picked up some vanilla almond milk and HOLY CRAP IT'S DELICIOUS. Don't go into it expecting milk, but on its own merits it's pretty damn tasty. I actually like, poured a cup and drank it. That stuff has come a long way in the last few years.

This story was exactly what I needed to read tonight. That sucker is going right on the favorites list, oh hell yes. Rodimus has a bad dream; Kup gives him warm milk and snuggles. Some annoyingly human things (blankets? Really?) but dude I don't even care. KUP SNUGGLES. Best snuggles ever. GOOD STORY, BEST KUP

Time to go be moderately miserable as I fall asleep! |D You all care so much, I'm sure.

Huh, you know, I wasn't even going to post about it because it's so inconsequential to me, but today the technical husband started divorce proceedings. Why him? He has money for the lawyer. XD I can't wait to sign off on this paperwork. ...After I read it over and possibly have my own lawyer look it over. (Her name is Jeanine. Yes, I really do have a lawyer.)

We got apple cider last week and no one drank any - yesterday the sides all bulged out. I was alarmed for like .2 seconds before going HARD APPLE CIDER! SCOOOOOORE!! It is delicous. Not terribly hard, just enough fermentation to give it some bite. Mmmm.

Nostalgia had a poop hanging off her butt just now. Oh yes. I'm going to tell you a pet-poop story. Because it wasn't just hanging - it had dried onto her skin. So I grabbed her and started soaking it off. Nostalgia did not like this idea. I just spent 20 minutes wrestling a yowling eel. Proof of my poor planning: I did this with maximum skin exposure. She was actually pretty sweet - she'd lick my arm frantically after kicking the heck out of it. Poor thing. Her butt is now clean and soothed, though, and my hands are very, very thoroughly disinfected. Ugh.

...huh I forgot to post this last night when I was still loopy from the hard cider. OH WELL. *hits post*

Day 6: How do you interact with readers' responses (or lack thereof)?
( All the days. )

Dealing with comments has always been hard for me. I do not take praise well, particularly unspecified praise or personal praise. For example: "you are amazing and fantastic" puts me straight into violent negation and avoidance, "this story is wonderful" puts me into less violent avoidance, and "I liked the part where ____" makes me pause and admit yes, okay, I liked that part too. My emotional responses are so strong that I get overwhelmed very easily. This doesn't mean I want to not get comments - not at all! I love knowing that people are reading and enjoying what I write, and a non-commenting reader is an invisible reader. But it does mean that I have a tendency to get very, very socially awkward and overly effusive when responding.

So, as you folks reading this probably know, I put in a policy for myself pretty recently: put in exactly what I get. If the comment is "nice story!" I say "thank you" and that is IT. Nothing else. If they specify what they liked, I can respond similarly, and oh man I have gotten some awesome friends out of the conversations that resulted. I LOVE that. And by limiting my responses elsewhere, I actually have the energy and wherewithal to be able to have those awesome conversations.

So yeah, gonna keep that up - it is working really well for me. If I keep having strong issues, I may put up a small notes on each fic asking that any potential praise be directed at the story and not at me. I know people mean well, but it is very upsetting and makes me physically sick to be told I'm awesome. My issues, let me show you them. (I am actually getting increasingly sick writing this, just thinking of all the times people have been like "L YOU ARE THE BEST EVER." I... am reasonably sure most people do not have this problem!)

***

In other news, carpal tunnel sucks but sleeping with a wrist brace on really does help. I at least have enough sensation and control to be able to type. That was getting pretty damn difficult last night. Things that your fingers do when the nerves controlling them are being squished: NOTHING! XD God I hate being organic.

And for being good and reading all of that, I shall give you a whole scene (A WHOLE SCENE!) of a thing I started writing when I was having one of those awesome post-fic conversations with Katarik: ( Read more... )

I'll get to the meme later, first I want to talk out loud to process some stuff.

Okay so, I have a shitload of homework. Like, a BUTTLOAD. A metric fuckton buttload. And it's all hard stuff that I maybe don't quite get what I'm supposed to do? I can answer problems just fine, but the report wants me to analyze and interpret. Which I hate. I could procrastinate on all of this, but I know what happens when I procrastinate. I miss deadlines, I get Fs, nothing good happens. But guilting myself into working just makes me feel shitty and then I want to do them even less.

So. Making homework cozy.

First: I need to clean my room a little. It's kind of dusty and my desk is messy and that's no good.

Second: It needs to smell nice. I have pine incense and apple-cinnamon candles and I can open a window for a chilly breeze.

Third: I must be comfortable. I think it is time to lie on the bed with my feet in the air and my head where my feet normally go. Why is that always the best spot? It seems so daring! MY FACE IS WHERE MY FEET SHOULD BE, HA HA!

Fourth: Comfort noms. I know that comfort nomming is not good for my waistline (WHAT WAISTLINE) but it is pretty much necessary for my mental health. Fortunately, we have apple cider. If I get dressed and take a shower (which will also make me feel better!) I can run to the store and get cinnamon sticks, and then I can warm up some cider with star anise and cinnamon sticks and it will be glorious. This will also complement the chilly breeze.

Fifth: Is there anything else I need? Hmm, maybe one of Grandmom's quilts. The one with the pinwheels! That sounds just about perfect. I need to wash that, though.

So, timeline: Put quilt and bedlinens in the wash. Shower. Put linens and quilt into the dryer. Get dressed (you can wear your super-comfy pajama pants! yes, even to the store!) and neaten up the bedroom. Open all the curtains and put the screen in the window by the bird feeder. Go to the store for cinnamon. Heat up cider on the stove, and make bed while waiting for it to warm. It's okay if this takes all day - the good thing about the weekend is that it's two days long, and the good thing about not procrastinating is that you have time.

Ahhhhh I feel better already. ♥ Now to get up and actually do this. XD Maybe I can carry Optimus around with me. Hmm.