lex: (ha ha ha no.)


lex: Longarm Prime complete with noodly appendages. (NOODLE ARMS)
Hmmm so, I am considering locking this journal to restrict access and whatnot. There's nothing really revealing but it weirds me out to think that random anonymous people might be lurking around. I'm a very private person, so that is just kinda super creepy. I can grant access to OpenID accounts, so it's not like I'd be excluding LJ people.

Anyway! I expect a bunch of people from the TF friending meme are making their way over here, and for some reason this makes me want to do a rundown of my works in progress.

text )
lex: (idk my bff megatron)
So last night, after finally finishing my chem lab, I said "ahhhh finally I can go to bed" and then wrote some fic.

BRAIN. WHAT WAS THAT. Then I dreamed that I wrote a whole story and just as I finished it I WOKE UP. And the story was not written. GODDAMNIT.

So in related news, the Prowl/Sunstreaker/Jazz thing is almost done. So of course there is a sequel brewing in my head, because I did Jazz an injustice here - I get so carried away in the Prowl/Sunstreaker that Jazz kinda took second stage, and that is not cool for multiple reasons. Notably: Jazz is HOT. I don't want to ruin the end of this story but basically - after the story, they all take a week to decide whether this convoluted threesome is a relationship they want to pursue. And Jazz-in-my-head is grinning like a loon, because this means "a week where he can tease them to his heart's content." There will be flirting. I am saying this in my most dire voice: there will be flirting. And they will love it. There is a kind of weird safe, sane, and consensual thing going on here - Sunstreaker is safe (I know right, but you'll see what I mean when I post it), Jazz is sane, and Prowl is consensual. Well technically they are all consensual but Prowl is the driving force of want here. This is not a dynamic I expected! And to be honest it is hard to figure out what Jazz is getting out of this. I think he is kinda hands-on voyeurism? I have no idea! Does that even make sense?!

Anyway. I am kinda enthused about this story again, which is good because it's SO FUCKING CLOSE to being done. So close. Then I need a beta because wow, is this story inconsistent. I started writing it in someone else's style and then it morphed back into my own style and Jazz's role is really baffling me and it's starting to feel repetitive but maybe that's just me... Mrrr. It would be nice to post something again. The Scorponok/Starscream fic is in the final scene too.

And if you read all that I think you need a reward. I wrote it a while ago for [personal profile] spacehussy and didn't post it because, well, it's not really a story. Your reward contains Starscream and Skywarp meeting, technobabble, Starscream being a bit of an asshole, Skywarp being smart and an adult, and Starscream respecting that while still being an asshole. Quantum physics are a great bonding exercise! Too bad I don't know any. Here you go! )
lex: (ha ha ha no.)
*procrastinating* I have a three-day week starting tomorrow. You'd think I should like, hurry and finish those incredibly overdue reports. Pffft whatever.

People! My glorious readers! What should I work on over my incredibly long weekend?

1. The Prowl/Sunstreaker/Jazz D/s thing which is almost fucking done JUST FINISH THE DAMN THING ALREADY IT NEEDS LIKE THREE PARAGRAPHS.


3. The Shockwave/Blurr thing which - okay there's no reason to yell with this one, but it's filthydirtyhot and really needs some more love. Stockholm syndrome done properly, fuck yeah.

4. Glory, the Prowl/twins epic romance drama thing, which actually kinda scares me right now because I don't have any idea what it's doing but HAPPY ONE YEAR BIRTHDAY, GLORY!

5. Something new! Because clearly this is not enough.
lex: My cat, Nostalgia. (Nostalgiakitty)
So, I talk to my family about fannish stuff. They know I write fanfic, they know I write slash, they know I'm really into giant robots and have probably figured out I write giant robot slash. It's cool. We don't really talk about the slash part because they just don't get it, but I do talk about my writing. I told Dad a lot about this last story, and I was telling him today about the reader reactions I've been getting, and he asked if he could read it. So... I said yes. He won't get it, I think, because fanfic only works because of our shared backgrounds and knowledge. We know who Sideswipe is, we care about him, we know he's somehow brother/twin to Sunstreaker. We love the Elite Trine and their back-handed affection. We know who the missing jet is and why it hurts so much that he's gone. We know that Prowl is the logical officer who doesn't do well with interpersonal relationships. An outsider, a non-fan, does not know these things. There's your big divide, the reason we're mocked when an outsider reads a fic. They don't get it, can't get it, because they don't have that established setting.

So... I know Dad won't get why it's a powerful story. He won't feel sad. He's not emotionally invested in these people - he has no reason to be. But that's okay.

In completely unrelated news, Velocisquirrel is back! She's in good shape and just as fearless as ever. Nostalgia has never met her before, so this was very exciting! Velocisquirrel is the only squirrel that can jump onto my windowsill and eat the seeds I scatter there. Nostalgia always, always pounces at the window when any bird lands there. I didn't get video of her repeated and incessant pouncing, but I did get her utter confusion:

lex: (y u do dis)
me: whoop there we go, all done
Ally: oh wow <3333
how many words did you write today?
me: I know right, holy shit XD
lemme check

So yeah, yesterday as I was driving to school I was thinking about how Skywarp is the life of the party, and his Autobot equivalent is generally accepted to be Sideswipe, and then the next thing I knew there was a story in my head and Skywarp and Sunstreaker were dead.

What. That's nightmarishly depressing.

So I wrote it.

...Yeah I can't explain that one either. I definitely need some space from it, and probably a good beta to check whether I got the right emotions across (I don't think I did, actually), but it's done. A whole story! In one day! shkghjdgfh! I admit, I started crying at the end. I had to get into the heads of three people who are each mourning in a different way. That's hard.

So yeah. uh. Anyone want to beta a deathfic and tell me whether I accidentally made it sound like everything is fixed at the end? I'm looking for someone who can give reasonably detailed emotional feedback - "this scene made me think he hates everyone, this scene got confusing and I couldn't tell whether he was giving up," that kind of thing.

I'm so confused - I want to be proud of writing a thing, a whole story with a plot and emotional development and everything, but I also want to be SO SAD. THE SADDEST SAD.
lex: (idk my bff megatron)
I think tonight I am going to get high on cold meds and watch Rodimus' acid trip sequence. This seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do with my evening.

Anyway I wrote a thing. Should I put it up on the writing account? I'm too loopy to judge right now, so yes, that's a serious question. XD Yeah, I wrote this instead of any of my lab reports. Apparently all that talk about bebbeh!rulers in my prompt post got me thinking about stuff.

No babies, real or fictional, were involved in the making of this story.

blah blah no title, rated PG for good measure, Cybertronian reproduction blah blah no warnings blah Bayverse. Blah.

Read more... )
lex: (Default)
Day 6: How do you interact with readers' responses (or lack thereof)?
All the days. )

Dealing with comments has always been hard for me. I do not take praise well, particularly unspecified praise or personal praise. For example: "you are amazing and fantastic" puts me straight into violent negation and avoidance, "this story is wonderful" puts me into less violent avoidance, and "I liked the part where ____" makes me pause and admit yes, okay, I liked that part too. My emotional responses are so strong that I get overwhelmed very easily. This doesn't mean I want to not get comments - not at all! I love knowing that people are reading and enjoying what I write, and a non-commenting reader is an invisible reader. But it does mean that I have a tendency to get very, very socially awkward and overly effusive when responding.

So, as you folks reading this probably know, I put in a policy for myself pretty recently: put in exactly what I get. If the comment is "nice story!" I say "thank you" and that is IT. Nothing else. If they specify what they liked, I can respond similarly, and oh man I have gotten some awesome friends out of the conversations that resulted. I LOVE that. And by limiting my responses elsewhere, I actually have the energy and wherewithal to be able to have those awesome conversations.

So yeah, gonna keep that up - it is working really well for me. If I keep having strong issues, I may put up a small notes on each fic asking that any potential praise be directed at the story and not at me. I know people mean well, but it is very upsetting and makes me physically sick to be told I'm awesome. My issues, let me show you them. (I am actually getting increasingly sick writing this, just thinking of all the times people have been like "L YOU ARE THE BEST EVER." I... am reasonably sure most people do not have this problem!)


In other news, carpal tunnel sucks but sleeping with a wrist brace on really does help. I at least have enough sensation and control to be able to type. That was getting pretty damn difficult last night. Things that your fingers do when the nerves controlling them are being squished: NOTHING! XD God I hate being organic.

And for being good and reading all of that, I shall give you a whole scene (A WHOLE SCENE!) of a thing I started writing when I was having one of those awesome post-fic conversations with Katarik: Read more... )
lex: My cat, Nostalgia. (Nostalgiakitty)
The good: Someone sent me a PM asking about my ancient Saiyuki fics, and it turns out I'm sitting on a rec list in a BNF's LJ! (CAN I FIT ANY MORE ACRONYMS IN THERE I THINK NOT) I am kinda thrilled by this even though they rec'd the WORST of my stories. Seriously. But it was awesome that someone put in so much effort to hunt them down - the links point to my defunct LJ and IJ accounts, and the person asking had clearly checked DW, so I pointed them over to FF.net. I HAVE TOO MANY ACCOUNTS. I almost feel bad about that. But I uploaded a whole new one for hir, so I feel less bad. XD

The bad: Nostalgia is starting to knuckle. That is, she can't feel her back right leg very well, and she now stands on the top of her foot sometimes. She hasn't tried to walk like that, though, which is good. I keep starting to panic and then reminding myself that paralysis is not a big deal. She's got good function in the other leg (I checked: she responds to pinches on her footpads almost right away on the left foot, about when I would react if someone pinched my feet, but it takes a very, very hard pinch to get a reaction from the right foot) and she still has perfect litterbox manners. Even if she needs fucking diapers, I will love this cat. I don't care. She's Nostalgia. However: having sensation in one leg and not the other, even if the good leg is a bit limited, does not really sound spinal to me. Seriously cannot wait to get those x-rays. Self: paralysis is not a big deal. You have already anticipated this turn of events.

The ugly: I fucking hate money. ಠ_ಠ
lex: (blah blah)
Over the last two days I wrote a fantastic little story and it is literally one sentence away from being finished. I need to fix a line of dialogue. That's it.

Instead, I am making this entry.

I am so lethargic today. )
lex: (idk my bff megatron)
I feel bad making huge posts about my cat. I mean, who cares about someone else's cat? Seriously. I'm like Hughes shoving pictures in everyone's faces. )

In other news, I'm writing movieverse Scorponok/Starscream and I totally blame [livejournal.com profile] pellimusprime for all of it. It's ridiculously fun but also difficult - I'm keeping Scorponok's intelligence, intent, and sentience ambiguous. I'm debating whether to write the actual Scorponok/Starscream bit, or whether to leave it at adorable hilarious stalking/poking. I'm thinking I will leave it cute and relatively innocent. I can save Scorponok sexy times for another fic. :3 He's so challenging! I kinda love it. A lot. He's just so darn fun to write, oh my gosh. I mean, just look at this:

Blackout looked at him, dangling by his tail from the ceiling-cables, and made a sound a bit like a stifled laugh. For once they were of a level with each other. Scorponok waved a claw hesitantly, setting himself swinging again.

"This is getting absurd," Blackout told him, but he was gentle as he untangled the cables and afterwards he let Scorponok ride on his rotor-mount, so he probably wasn't serious about it.



Jun. 26th, 2010 02:02 am
lex: (yeah Starscream)
My arm is killing me. Why, you ask? Well. I just wrote 1400 words in one sitting.

o_o how did this happennnnnnn

I was feeling meh about writing but I decided to try anyway! And then I listened to this song and just felt so good and suddenly I knew I needed to write Skyfire and Starscream meeting in the Trinefic! And I figured I'd write maybe 200 words. Maybe. I was feeling REALLY meh. And then a few hours later, I have 1400 words (EVEN) of their first meeting and it is LOVELY and Starscream is SUCH A JERK and I adore them omg. This story is going to be so awesome when it's eventually done. It's awesome now. I LOVE IT. I LOVE EVERYTHING WHILE THIS SONG IS PLAYING.

And then, out of nowhere, this happened. Cut for ficbit~ )
lex: (blah blah)
So jealous of everyone at Botcon. :( Say hi to Ravage for me! And wave. You must wave. Wave I tell you.

I am pleased to announce that I figured out what I'm doing for the kinky Prime prompt! I know, you care so much, but people. I am writing him with Red Alert. It is going to be so hot.

no seriously, so hot )

Soooooo yeah anyway. It's been a rough week. Imagining Optimus Prime's voice dirty talking helps. I'm slightly mortified - dirty talking is so not a kink of mine that it is in fact usually a squick! But these two, they are communicating their wants so well, and they're also making a very nice distinction between fantasy and reality, and I am getting as many smoking-hot kinks in there as I can. Dirty talk, size/scale-kink, fantasizing, fisting, gangbang, voyeurism, exhibitionism, restraints, multiple partners, and of course actual communication between partners. There's another thing I don't know how to quantify - Optimus will be getting most of his pleasure from fulfilling his partner's desires, but not in a subservient role - it's more "ooh, yes, I like that idea." I'm doing my best to keep the power between them equal - ideally neither will be more dominant than the other, overall, though if anything Red Alert is the leading partner. Buuuuuut this is only a prompt response, not a full fic, so I know that 1. I will not be able to devote much attention to any of these things and 2. I am going to fail horribly in some way. My hope is that by attempting to show a healthy, balanced, kinky relationship, I will at least fail better. Also I am purposefully ignoring the authority power balance here because AUUUUGH that is not what I want to do here! I do not want to deal with that! I know I should but seriously that is a whole other bucket of worms, it does not really fit into my short happy fun sexy times fic. Some other time, I will deal with those issues. If I ever write Prowl any porn (SORRY PROWL) I will DEFINITELY address that. He would demand it. Oh, Prowl, this is why I don't write you sex scenes. You're so honest and awesome and would never interface anyone under you. Or above you, for fear of - what's the word, nepotism? That doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean. Poor Prowl.

This entry totally ran away from me so uh. Gonna wrap that up now. I hope that prompt turns out as well as I want it to. I'm kinda scared of it now. But! I cannot get better unless I try! FAIL BETTER, L.
lex: (idk my bff megatron)

I wrote more of the oldschool drone!Shockwave thing. Shockwave and Sunstreaker are my happy places, it seems! Not... at the same time. That would be weird. Anyway. TFA-verse, this part's totally G-rated, I still have issues with writing scenery.

You know, this spoils a significant part of the story. Ah well. )
lex: Longarm Prime complete with noodly appendages. (NOODLE ARMS)
*ahem* Dear Internet, I feel you need to know that the following thing was just said to me:

Ally: I hit that point in the scene where I wanted to rage at the internet: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE ROBOTS DOUBLE-PENETRATING ANOTHER WHILE A FOURTH ONE WATCHES.

That is all.

P.P.P.P.S. On a more serious note, I am gifted/tormented with horrible memory loss triggered by emotional distress. I feel much better. I know what happened, but it's very distant.
lex: (tmi lol)
Oh my GOD what is wrong with me today?! I'm in full-on avoidance mode, complete with extra memory failure, and I have NO IDEA WHY. I think it's my shitty haircut. )

Anyway. [personal profile] spacehussy and I are doing some 100 Prompts thing. We thought about it for a while and then realized what we really wanted was to get characters assigned as well, so we're giving each other all kinds of fun tidbits to write for. We decided to post in blocks of five, though. I'm almost there! I'm done four, and half-done two others. I'm so excited about so many of these prompts. Scorponok! I get to write movie Scorponok! SO EXCITED. But Ally is also a TOTAL SADIST and gave me the most challenging prompt ever.

25. Kinky with Optimus Prime.

I am totally hoping ya'll will have suggestions for kink for Prime. I am baffled. "Kinky" is the kind of word that has a different definition for everyone, you know? If I tried to think of the most kinky thing I could, well... I'm already writing pet play, incest, S&M, gunkink, and arguable bestiality. And those are tame compared to some of the things I'd like to write. (Note to self: get tentacles in at least one prompt somehow.) And it doesn't take into account uniquely TF kinks - I've got one movieverse bit that involves polishing Sunstreaker outside and in. Mmmm. So the question remains: what to do with Optimus Prime? What would he consider kinky? There are just too many options. SO MANY. I do have some things I want to do - I want to defy conventions, so no Megatron, and I want the very clear message that Optimus Prime Says Being Kinky Is Okay. Ah, and no consent issues! It must be fully consensual. Other than that, though... I'm lost.

lex: (idk my bff megatron)
Previously, I posted a false start to a TFA story in which it is a very long time ago, Megatron holds a position of power on Cybertron but is beginning his rebellion, and Shockwave is a drone which has gained more-than-usual intelligence through a combination of time (A LOT of time) and Megatron's intervention. Here's a better bit - from the middle somewhere, but hopefully it will fit into the final product. I rather like it. It needs improvement (i.e. something between the dialogue like, oh, DESCRIPTIONS) but mmmm I love the tone of it.

This scene picks up just as Starscream has introduced himself with an offer of information to ingratiate himself with Megatron.

Read more... )
lex: (blah blah)
Random wordcount of things I haven't posted!
And I Who Am Here Disassembled: 11034
They Speak of Him with Glory on Their Tongues: 12138
Untitled Skyfire/trine: 8511
Untitled Jazz/Prowl/Sunstreaker: 2195
Copterrowf: 1255
The plagiarism crap: 917
Untitled Sunstreaker angst: 515
Untitled Sideswipe/Jarvis: 2254
Untitled NCIS/SPN WTFery: 1774

THAT IS A LOT OF WORDS. 31.5k in just the main three stories. Good lord. At least two of them are co-written so I don't have to be all OH GOD I WROTE SO MUCH. I am so intimidated by these epic stories, it's ridiculous. My longest story to date was 10k and, frankly, it sucked a lot. These stories... I don't even care, they're so fun to write. I think I need to call WIP amnesty on the last two items in the list, though. They're just not happening anymore. I guess I'll post what I've got at some point.

I was doing laundry and thinking, man, I love talking about writing. I kinda wish someone would interview me. And then I thought, hey, I could interview other people. Wouldn't that be neat? Interviews with TF fandom authors about their process and how they approach characters and whatnot. Spotlight: Fandom. All because I was thinking about how Ally and I write.

Cut for self-indulgent babble about coauthoring and how this is SO WEIRD but SO COOL. )
lex: Longarm Prime complete with noodly appendages. (NOODLE ARMS)
Ally: Maybe it's like-- you can still get high-ranking jobs with or without becoming Elite Guard, but it probably helps.
Ally: which means Longarm would have had to be BAD. ASS.
L: yesssss. Longarm is just that awesome.
L: Maybe the Elite Guard require background checks
Ally: drug testing


The writing front is going remarkably well! The thing with Jazz stalled, but the awesome thing about having a half dozen stories going is that when one stalls, my hindbrain has figured something out on another one. I just gotta poke until I know which one it is. Right now it's Disassembled, which makes me happy. In my pants. Disassembled is just that kind of fic. It needs warnings piled deep enough to drown in, but it makes me happy in my pants.

Disassembled snippet cut for dismemberment and impalement. This is one of the nicer bits, actually. )

Oh yeah I was gonna post a bit of that Jazz thing. Totally out of context, because Sunstreaker being the subbiest sub that ever subbed kinda requires some context. I know this is lamely boring but whatever, dudes, you shoulda seen the crap I was writing before this. The second Jazz walked in it got 1000x better.

Sunstreaker looked up, and for the briefest instant Jazz looked back.

It lasted less than a nanoclick. Jazz came in as if nothing were out of the ordinary, greeting Prowl easily with a little salute of the datapad in his own hand, saying, "Hey, Prowl my mech. Got a few clicks to spare? I wanted a fresh set of optics on this thing."

"Jazz." Prowl nodded a greeting, sitting up straight to accept the datapad. "Hmm. I like the changes you've made."

"Saw the rough draft on Teletraan's systems, did you? Yeah, I wasn't happy with it either. I let Prime know I'd be changing things around a bit." Jazz settled on the edge of Prowl's desk, his back to Sunstreaker.

I am enjoying writing his dialogue. Prowl is all short, clipped facts and orders, Sunstreaker is 100% attitude, and Jazz is just like HEY MY MECH, WHAT'S UP. Also I am enjoying NOT writing the ridiculous accent some people like to force down his throat. Yes, I've heard his accent. It can be indicated with phrasing and tone. There's no need for WRITIN' LIKE THA MOS' RACIST BITCH EVER, YA DIG? ugh never write out an accent unless you want the character to be incomprehensible. PET PEEVE, I CAN HAS IT. I actually am angsting over whether to have him say "nah" at one point, but it's a word as distinct from "no" as "yeah" is from "yes." You would not believe how much time I've spent thinking about that word.

Okay I've rewritten this entry five times now, fuckit I'm posting.


May. 25th, 2010 09:33 am
lex: (blah blah)
I am really, really tired of this lingering illness. Morning sickness is for pregnant people, aka NOT ME. At least the goop draining from my sinuses is a bit less gross now. And eating an apple settled my stomach, for the most part. Just really slagging sick of being sick. Curse this organic body. At least I'm up before noon today.

I've discovered that the downside of writing a thing for fun is that you end up liking it so much you want to share it. Hmm. Not sure I should. It's like - hello there id, nice to see you taking such an active role in the creative process. Also it started out with someone else's writing style, which I apparently have been reading too much of - it settled into my own style after a bit, but I have no idea how to clean up the beginning. Mrrr. I still like it - as soon as Jazz showed up, everything got a million times better. My first time writing Jazz and he's spectacular - what are the chances of that? He's so vibrant. I love him to bits.

I don't normally watch toy reviews but I have to say that this guy 1. is awesome and 2. totally encapsulates how I feel about Blurr and 3. makes me REALLY WANT MY OWN BLURR FIGURE DAMNIT. Also he makes me laugh a lot with how totally in love with this figure he is. GRAMMAR, I HAS IT.