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[personal profile] lex
Okay, first of all? That was better than I dreaded. Only one of the things I feared happened, and a lot I hoped for happened, and a whole bunch of other stuff (both good and bad) happened too.

The Ugly:
1. Oh Kup what did they do to you. I just... That's not Kup, that's some dithering old dude named Coop. It doesn't even compute. OKAY APPARENTLY HIS NAME IS QUE AND HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WHEELJACK BUT FUCK THAT NOISE
2. Genius Brains is also stupid. WHAT IS WITH THE ROBOTS WITH HAIR.
3. Yes, okay, Mikaela got brushed aside EVEN MORE STUPIDLY THAN I EXPECTED. Michael Bay, suck my dick.

The Bad:
1. IRONHIDE. Okay. Deep breaths. I was actually amazingly spoiler-free so I had NO FUCKING IDEA and I have to say that it was both beautiful and dumb as hell. Michael Bay remains a shitty director who couldn't work an emotional scene if his life depended on it. Much like Megatron's return to the Nemesis in the second movie, this whole scene failed due to the direction. Nevertheless, my dear little shipping heart is now able to handwave Optimus' crazypants in the rest of the movie as grief. I can take that. Oh, babies.
2. Some weird errors. Sentinel immediately starts referring to "your human whatever" and I was like bwuh, but he just woke up, he knows jack shit about our human whatever.
3. WHAT HAPPENED TO WHEELIE AT THE END oh my god did I just type those words
4. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ARCEE AND JOLT SDKJFHDSKFHKSDJH (AND THE DUMB TWINS)
5. The elephant. What.
6. The bathroom stall scene. Just... akfdhskhdfsjhsdno. Dude earned cred for trying to shoot the shit outta Laserbeak though.

The Okay:
1. Didn't hate Carly as much as expected. Her character was actually... remarkably okay. She is gonna dump Sam's ass once the adrenaline wears off though.
2. Not too much stupid human bullshit. Like, it was actually tolerable levels of stupid human bullshit. I only had to hide my face in shame like, two or three times.
3. Seriously did you really just use "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" you dicks oh my god you are such huge geeks I want to shake you and hug you all at once.
4. ...Starscream. I just... yeah, dude, you got shafted, sorry. At least you were pretty while you did it.

The Good:
1. FUCK YES SHOCKWAVE FUCK YES TENTACLE MONSTER IT WAS ALL WORTH IT, DID YOU SEE HIM TALK TO IT OH MY GOD IT WAS SO CUTE, AND IT CARRIED HIM AROUND INSIDE IT UNDERGROUND DSKFHDKFHSD I AM SO HAPPY
2. Mirage Dino made my pants explode.
3. Sideswipe made my pants explode.
4. Starscream's legs made - yes okay
5. I am remarkably okay with: Soundwave being Carly's car, being awesomely fucking badass, and then dying in a kickass fight after happily setting up an atrocity; Shockwave being fucking badass, riding a tentacle beast like a chariot, never speaking English, and then dying in a fucking awesome fight at Prime's hands after everyone else totally fucking fails to take him down; Optimus getting really fucking goddamn mad and fucking shit up but good; Bumblebee doing everything awesome ever; Wheelie being a likeable character; and basically everything else in the movie.
6. Bumblebee turning his head. You know the scene. My heart was in my throat - not just for the moment, which was amazing, but for the depth of thought that went into writing that moment. There is so much to extrapolate from that, old tactics and fresh atrocities and they were going to kill them all in one pile, smallest and weakest first. I don't know why that scene resonated so hard for me but it did.
7. The plot was followable. This is, in every way, an improvement over RotF.
8. I actually really liked Megatron's characterization in this. He isn't the glorious Megatron of the first movie, but a physically and mentally shattered wreck trying to regain that glory. It works.
9. Soundwave being passed down through the generations, regardless of whether they want him. Oh. My. God. Totally violates canon, I believe, but who the fuck cares when it's that fucking cool.
10. Seriously I liked so much of this movie I am having a hard time dealing.

You guys. It was... good. Maybe not a definitively good movie? But a good ending chapter, with the promise of a new beginning. Not just for the selfish human race, but for Optimus and the Autobots and everything. What will they be without the war? They'll fucking find out, motherfucker.







TENTACLE MONSTER AND SHOCKWAVE. WORTH. ALL. OF. IT.
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